There’s pain in surrender to God, to truth. It normally feels like I am being stripped of my sense of entitlement, my rights to think, to say, to do as I want. But who said what I want is always what I need? I have discovered the more I say NO to me and YES to Him, I find rest for my soul. I grow up in Him. Maturity.


Surrender is like a free fall from the sky, without a parachute. The pull of gravity triggers uncertainty and enough dose of adrenaline rush. It leaves you feeling you have no control. The pull is stronger than anything else. I have seen that surrendering to God may feel the same way-like I am losing control because He doesn’t always give the answers but promises that it shall be well. I want the answers in black and white, I want to know the end but He says ‘be still and know that I am God’. And when I quieten my soul within me, I experience peace. It becomes a pleasure to let go and let God, trusting His arms to hold me up. The free fall is worth it.


There’s freedom in surrender. This is the power of giving in to the call, the demand, the standard of father God. Freedom from fear; that of the unknown, of failure and of death. When the buck stops with Him and not me, I cease trying to ‘contain’ things. I let Him order my steps and for sure though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. I am free. The good shepherd is in charge. In Him all things hold together.

“I see you on the hills God, I want to be there too. Help me say yes to you.”

Lauren Holmes-Victorious in Love

Indulge the words

I love words, I really do. I consider them to be my building material, my legal tender facilitating life’s transactions. I am not surprised then that I fell in love from a tender age with books, music and creative spoken word.

Numbers don’t move me, in fact they have a way of fazing me. Ask why back in the day there would be assertive As in my language test papers and confounding Cs in mathematics? You see, number seven is just that, seven. It cannot be thirteen nor can it be four. But the word lovely cannot be just lovely. It is also spot-on, amazing, just right, perfect and the list can go on and on.

Yet besides this intrigue for the command of attention, the creativity, the wit, the humor, deep emotions and the charge that words convey and birth, I connect to them because they open our eyes to see. Truth is seen, so are lies, fibs, tales and fables. It takes the eyes to know which is which. Wisdom is seen but so is foolishness, vain-ness, shallowness and superficiality. The eyes must speak! Which is which? Love is seen so is hate, dislike, rejection and disdain. The eyes must show us.

We have to see, whether with the eyes on our face or with those in our heart. When we see, we feel, we think, we act. Words pull the trigger on the gun that fires our sight. They open us up to the process of living.

Stories are life, music is life, poetry is life and today I share an eye-opening piece of spoken word from a stumbled upon author and poet now turned a favorite. Indulge! It is thriven and thro, it is on fleek, it is ace!

The greatest love, lover, love story

I think everyday we drift in and out of the scenes of life’s greatest love story, and we know not. We are part of the cast, no, actually we are co-starring but we know not. The lead man, the main guy, the starring is ever playing His part yet we know him not. His part in the story is to pursue and pour out his love to the co-star who holds a special place in his heart.

This love is majestic, fiercely delicate, so gentle yet it roars, so pure yet is jealous. It’s a tough kind of love, one that beckons ‘come to me all ye who are weary and heavy laden’ yet quickly demands ‘take my yoke upon you, for my yoke is easy and my burden light’. It’s a proactive kind of love ‘He chooses to shed this love abroad his subject’s heart’.

I think He is the greatest lover that has ever been, that is and will ever be. He loves unconditionally, steadfastly, ravishingly, wholly and unreservedly. He loves before his subjects could even find it to love him.

Many waters cannot quench this love, nor can floods drown it. Nothing can keep this lover away; if you ascend into heaven, he is there. If you make your bed in hell, behold he is there. If you take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there his hand shall lead you and his right hand shall hold you. He is unavoidable, inescapable, immutable.

So I awaken to the reality of this love, no one can resist it. It’s called AGAPE. Inside of me is a beam that resounds at the voice of this love and I can’t help but call out back after him. I choose to know this love; experience it, to know this lover; indulge Him, to know this great love story; be part of it. He is love and I am loved. I don’t need to earn it or prove my worth for it. Daily, through my inconsistencies, shortsightedness, limitations, He still pursues me.

Kalley Heiligenthal sings it…“Your love is devoted, like a ring of solid gold, like a vow that is tested, like a covenant of old. Your love is enduring through the winter rain and beyond the horizon with mercy for today”

And the beam in my heart resounds…”Abba, I long for that beauty that comes from letting you take over and me fading out. Let me be savagely hungry for you so much that if anything stands in between me and you, it must come under my feet. Your love makes me”


Shepherd of my soul

It’s two a.m, fourteen minutes to be precise. Am seated at the desk, insomniac. Well, I’ve spent the better part of the day in sleep, half-awake, half in pain; my joints screaming, my muscles sore and my stomach in knots. Yet I am here, after downing two small glasses of water to wash off the unpleasant taste of three intimidating blue pills that I had to split in half and swallow six times. I look into the box containing more pills, pick out the leaflet inside and read it curiously. In about an hour, maximum blood concentration will be attained. I will be fully combating the microbes right? My background in medicine does little to help. I need to feel better, I must feel better. I will feel better.

Right in the midst of all these, my heart sounds a song-am just grateful, sincerely so, to God. I mean, He is and has always been the constant one. No pain, no illness, no calamity can change who He is. I love Him, I call Him Abba. He is my father, He has shed His love abroad in my heart and I can’t help but love Him back albeit in the smallest of ways. From my days of infancy to such days of great awareness of destiny, He has been there; being, showing, leading, caring, uplifting, inspiring. And indeed, I am who I am today by His grace.

Often, we get caught up  in what life brings our way and fail to enjoy the thrill of seeing Him by our side through every wave of pain, disappointment and suffering whether the wave is spiritual, emotional or physical. He is always there. His banner over us is love. He does not deny Himself, He never fails and He never lies. Our circumstances notwithstanding, He changes not. He is God.

Lost in the cover of His leading hand, consumed in the fullness of His embrace, soaked in the consuming passion of His presence-that is where I want to be found. He is the shepherd of my soul. Amanda Cook says it well and stamps the reality going on in my heart with her song…

“In the process, in the waiting, you’re making melodies over me.

And your presence is the promise for I am a pilgrim on a journey.

You make my footsteps and my path secure, so walking on water is just the beginning.

Cause my faith to arise, stand at attention, for you are calling me to greater things.

You will lift my head above the mighty waves,

You are able to keep me from stumbling,

And in my weakness, you are the strength that comes from within,

Good shepherd of my soul. Take my hand and lead me on.”

Loving the discomfiture

I am learning to love discomfiture; the kind conceived when truth is spoken. The one if embraced, births change for the better. This discomfiture often comes disguised as inconvenience and dressed in words that bite at our comfort and complacency.

Ever been in a conversation and the words spoken disturb your waters? You begin to feel uneasy just holding on to that thought, or insisting on that way of doing things or resisting that demand to upgrade?

For a long time when something was addressed in me, my first impulse was to swiftly erect walls of defense. Almost immediately discomfort would set in as I realized what was being said was true and as it became plain to me that I needed to change. This third response is where the catch is; it can either make you for the better or break you for the worse. Many times I have resisted discomfort rather than embrace it and unfortunately refused the call to change.

Now, I choose wisdom; I train myself to allow the discomfiture inspired by truth to bridle me out of mediocrity. I choose to buy the truth and sell it not. Well, buying truth can be a costly, painful, prickly affair but it always yields profit; the profit of a better me.

So my heart is stirred up this morning, at the wake of another discomfiture brought my way by truth. But I love it. I will not resist nor rationalize against truth; I will take a long gaze into my inside, face the mediocrity I find and handle it. There is no shortcut. Cheap is ultimately expensive. Running away from the discomfiture is cheap. I will gladly count the cost and pay up.

And listening to Hillsong’s “Like Incense” my heart lights up in agreement:

“Your statutes are my heritage forever

My heart is set on keeping your decrees

Please still my anxious urge towards rebellion

Let love keep my will upon its knees.

All your ways are lovely and faithful

The road is narrow but your burden light

Because you gladly lean to lead the humble,

I shall gladly kneel to lose my pride.”


“I don’t want to walk around drinking from broken cisterns,

I don’t want to walk around settling for lesser pleasures,

when you satisfy, you satisfy…”

“You know  I love you, you know I do,

but let me love you more, this is all that I desire,

let me love you more, this is all that I require

let me love you more, this is my deepest heart’s desire,

won’t you let me love you more, still more..”

(Jay Thomas)


“You satisfy my soul, you satisfy my soul, you satisfy my soul with your love.”

(Laura Hackett Park- you satisfy my soul)

The theme in my heart today; satisfaction, and these two beautiful songs did me justice in capturing the sentiments roaring inside me. Earlier on today, just musing over the events of the day and the last couple of days, I couldn’t help agree that I am limited and so is everybody else who happens to be human. We are limited in so many ways and only the connection to a higher being with unlimited capacity is the solution we need.

Isn’t it strange; we have money, we claim purchasing power, but still feel empty? We are surrounded by people, we have company, but still feel alone or lonely? We achieve the greatest career milestones but we still yearn for more?

Clearly, we were made to find satisfaction-fulfillment and rest in the one who made us and not in the things He gives us. These things will never ever be enough. We are most satisfied in life when our hearts beat to the sound of Him. We need God, His capacity, power, insight to endure and enjoy the unfolding journey of life.

I know I need God so bad, religion cannot help me. I don’t need rules and rituals, I need the person of God Himself. He is love, He is wisdom, He is power, He is vision, He is hope, He is strength. When I have Him, I have all I need. When I have Him, I have satisfaction in its truest form. I pursue Him, I thirst for Him, everything else just won’t do.

“For my people have committed two evils; they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters and hewn themselves cisterns-broken cisterns that can hold no water” Jeremiah 2:13

“My soul waits silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him” Psalms 62:5